Restraint
by CaraMiaMilo
Summary: AU: Rory and Jess talk the day after the kiss, and spend the summer getting to know each other.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Standard  
Setting: Day After Season Finale  
Rating: R (for language and sexual situations)  
  
Comments/suggestions/critiques are wonderful!   
  
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Rory sat at the diner counter, biting her lip and staring into her   
coffee mug. When she'd come in 10 minutes earlier, Luke had told her   
Jess was on an errand and that he should be back in 5-10 minutes.   
So she was waiting. But the longer she waited, the more nervous she   
got.   
  
'You are not going to chicken out of this, Rory Gilmore,' she thought   
to herself. 'You have to talk to him.' She took a big swig of her   
coffee. When she put the mug down, he was there, in front of her on the   
other side of the counter, with the carafe.   
  
"More coffee?" he asked.  
  
Rory inhaled and shook her head. "Actually, no."  
  
"Really? What's wrong?" Jess looked sincerely concerned.  
  
"Can we go somewhere and talk?"  
  
Jess looked down at the counter and nodded. "Sure." He smiled wanly at   
her. "I figured this was coming. You pick—-upstairs or the bridge?"  
  
"Upstairs—-if you think Luke'll leave us alone for awhile."  
  
"He'll have to be down here. It's slow, but Caesar's off tonight. I'll   
just go tell him where I'll be. Door's open; you go on up. I'll   
be right behind you."  
  
Rory went upstairs and stood in the hall, trying to decide where they   
should talk. The living room was too exposed, but Jess's room was,   
well, too intimate. "Maybe some music would help," she thought, and   
headed into Jess's room to browse his CDs. Jess stepped into the   
doorway just as she was pulling a Morcheeba disc out of the case.   
  
"In here?" he asked.  
  
"I was really just hunting for music, but it's okay in here. I didn't   
know you had this CD; trip-hop doesn't seem like your style."  
  
"It belongs to a friend; got moved with me by accident. But it's good   
for being mellow."   
  
"Yeah, mellow's good." Rory sat down on the bed.   
  
"So, what do you want to talk about?"  
  
"Surely you know."   
  
"Yeah." Jess's voice was bitter. "Let me guess-—it was an accident; you   
didn't mean to do it; you don't know what possessed you; you don't   
think of me that way; can we still be friends?; will I please not tell   
Bag Boy…"  
  
"Jess, stop…" Rory heard the edge in his voice and almost lost her   
nerve. "Look, only part of that is true. It was an accident, and I   
didn't mean to do it, but not in the way you're saying." Rory stood up   
and began pacing around between Jess's bed and the CD player. "God, I   
don't really know how to say this, but, well, it wasn't like I just   
took leave of my senses and thought 'hey, I could kiss him' and then   
did it without thinking. It was more like, well, it was really that I   
was just so surprised and, and happy to see you that I, well, I sort of,   
I forgot to remind myself not to kiss you."  
  
"Huh?" Jess was confused. "What does that mean—forgot to remind   
yourself not to kiss me? That sounds like, well, it sounds like you   
actively have to stop yourself from kissing me on a regular basis."   
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Yeah?" Jess's head was spinning. She could not be saying this. "How   
regular?"  
  
"Very regular."  
  
"How regular, Rory?" Jess had moved to sit on the nightstand next to   
the bed and was watching her pace. Her hands were crossed over her   
chest and he watched her hands twitch nervously over her shoulders.   
"How often do you have to remind yourself not to kiss me?"  
  
Rory stopped pacing and stared out the window. His question rang in her   
ears. She braced herself. "Every time I see you. Every time I think   
about you. Every time someone mentions your name." She turned to   
look at him. "Every time I pass the diner, every time I pass the   
bridge. Every time I make a note in the margin of a book. In fact,   
I spend a ridiculous percentage of my time thinking about kissing you   
and reminding myself that I'm not allowed to." She sat on the edge of   
the bed facing away from him and buried her face in her hands. "I'm sorry."   
  
"Whoa." Jess was blown away by her confession, but her apology confused him.   
"Wait, why are you sorry?"  
  
"Because we were friends and now I've gone and made everything   
uncomfortable because I can't control my stupid teenage hormones."  
  
Jess couldn't help it; he laughed aloud. "Rory, two people don't   
generate the sort of heat we did yesterday unless they're both having   
hormone trouble. As far as I'm concerned, you can kiss me every time   
you see me. Hell, just call me when the thought pops into your head   
and I'll come kiss you."   
  
Rory was staring at him. "You aren't mad."  
  
"Mad? Jesus, Rory, why in hell would I be mad?"  
  
"Dean."  
  
"What about Dean?"  
  
"I – I came on to you even though I have a boyfriend. I thought you'd   
think I was playing with you, teasing you, or something." She stopped,   
because Jess had stood up and was shaking his head vigorously.   
  
"Rory, first of all, I'd have to know absolutely nothing about you to   
think that you were even capable of playing sex games with me. And   
second, I'd have to know absolutely nothing about sex not to be able to   
tell that that kiss was sincere. Not that it didn't send me   
straight to a cold shower, but I knew you didn't have an ulterior   
motive. I had no reason whatsoever to be mad. And you can still   
kiss me anytime you want, Dean or no Dean."  
  
Rory was still staring at him, but smiling a little. "Y-You liked it.   
You aren't mad. I didn't make you uncomfortable."   
  
"Well, I wouldn't exactly say that…" Jess chuckled. "Aforementioned   
cold shower had nothing to do with the humidity." Grinning, Jess sat   
on the bed and leaned back against the headboard. "Ah, she blushes.   
So, does this mark the beginning of a new and much more affectionate   
stage in our relationship or am I just in for a period of excessive   
cleanliness and permanent goosebumps?"   
  
Rory couldn't believe they were talking about this. She felt heat   
course through her body as she contemplated the possibility of   
kissing him whenever she felt like it. But Dean...  
  
"I don't know. I have no idea how to deal with this. Obviously Dean   
wouldn't be as cool as you about the idea of my kissing you while I'm   
still technically his girlfriend. But what I don't know is whether what   
I'm feeling for you is…" Rory paused to think and Jess held his breath.   
"Well, better, than what I feel for Dean or just different. I don't want   
to not kiss you, but I don't want to break up with him either. I feel   
safe, and loved, with him. And he's good to me, and takes care of me,   
and I know better than to take that kind of love for granted. Some   
people never find anything close to that." Rory turned to lie on her   
stomach facing him and propped up her head in her hands. "But I also   
know that I'm young, and I'm really not likely to stay with Dean forever,   
and I feel things and want things with you that I couldn't care less   
about with him."  
  
Jess's eyes darkened with desire as he looked at Rory, sprawled out on   
his bed, and heard her telling him that she wanted him. Her words and   
the husky tone of her voice aroused him. He reached down and pulled   
her up so she was lying next to him.  
  
"What things do you want, Rory? Because you can have whatever you want   
with me." He propped himself up on his elbow and traced the edge of her   
face with his fingers. "Anything." She closed her eyes and he dragged   
the pads of his fingers against her throat. "Everything." She   
shuddered as he stroked a fingernail against the sensitive skin just   
above the neckline of her tank. "Just tell me and I'll do it." He   
brought his mouth to within centimeters of hers. "Whatever you want."   
  
Jess pressed his lips against hers and tugged on her chin to open her   
mouth. Rory couldn't believe it—-he was actually kissing her. Gently,   
but with more passion than she'd known existed. Oh God, he was SO not   
mad at her...she smiled and lost herself in the kiss.   
  
"Rory," Jess murmured. "I want to know. Tell me what you want to do   
with me that you don't care about with him."   
  
Rory opened her eyes, hungry with wanting. Could she really let Jess   
see how much she wanted him? She pressed her hands flat against his   
chest, and the warmth burned. She wanted more. "I want to touch you.   
Here. Without your clothes." Her voice faltered a bit on the last,   
and she squeezed her eyes shut so he wouldn't see the emotion that   
was reddening her cheeks.   
  
Jess knew the roaring in his ears had to be his blood vessels   
spontaneously combusting. 'OK, you're going to wake up now,' he thought   
to himself, shaking his head and blowing the air out of his lungs. But   
her hands were still there, clutching his shirt. 'Oh God, I'm not   
dreaming. This is really happening.' He took her hand in his and sat   
up, bringing her palm to his lips before reaching down and grasping the   
hem of his shirt. He saw her catch her breath.  
  
"Are you sure?"   
  
She nodded, and he pulled the shirt over his head and threw it to the   
floor. He lay back down, leaning on his elbow again, and watched her as   
she hesitantly reached out and dragged her thumbs down the center of   
his chest, her splayed fingers feather-touching every inch of him from   
his neck to his waist. Jess closed his eyes and forced himself to   
breathe, restraining the instinctive thrust of his hips as her touch   
aroused him. She ran the palms of her hands back up his chest, then   
tentatively stroked the pad of her thumb against his flat nipple. This   
time he couldn't restrain the movement; his back arched toward her and   
his face contorted.   
  
"Rory," he groaned. "Come here."   
  
Jess pulled her against him, catching her eyes and stunning her with   
the intensity of the heat in his expression. But then his lips were on   
hers and the heat enveloped them both. Rory felt his arm under her   
waist, bent across the small of her back, crushing her to him as his   
other hand tangled in her hair. He trapped her legs under his thigh,   
putting his weight on his knee, and Rory wrapped her arms around his   
torso and pulled him closer to her. Jess was sure the room was spinning.   
He couldn't be holding Rory against his bare chest, kissing her...it   
just wasn't possible. "Oh God, Rory," he whispered. "You taste amazing.   
I haven't wanted to eat for the last 24 hours for fear I'd forget..."  
  
Rory shuddered. He sounded...she couldn't believe her kiss had affected   
him that much. Jess's mouth moved down the side of her face and   
he nuzzled her ear with his tongue, caressing the sensitive   
skin on the side of her neck and in the hollow between her   
collarbone and shoulder. Rory's eyes flew open at the sensation.   
Dean had always kept his lips on hers, used his hands to caress her.   
Jess's hands were cupping her hips, pulling her up and against him.  
'This is why people make love lying down,' she thought. It was   
as if he was touching every part of her body. He stroked his lips   
against her throat, not quite kissing, and Rory lost all conscious   
thought, moaning softly and dropping her head back to give him   
greater access to her neck. She felt his hot breath against her   
skin and raked her fingernails against his back.   
  
Jess pressed against her shoulder so she was lying on her back, and she   
tangled her hands in his hair as he dragged his mouth down toward her   
breasts, drawing a tip into his mouth through the fabric of her top.   
She arched her back and wrapped a leg around his waist, and suddenly   
Jess found himself nestled between her legs. He lifted his torso so he   
could watch her face as he thrust his hips against her, wishing their   
clothing would disappear at the same time he was grateful for it. He   
needed to stop…  
  
"Damn it!" Jess pulled himself off her and crossed the room, leaning up   
against the wall for support and raking his hand through his hair as he   
struggled to steady his breathing. Still not looking at her, he grabbed   
his shirt from the floor and pulled it back over his head. When he   
finally turned toward her, she was sitting up in the bed, head down,  
knees up, arms wrapped protectively around her legs. He opened a   
drawer and threw her a clean t-shirt. "Here, put this on. Your shirt   
is wet where I kissed you and it's driving me crazy to remember."   
  
She looked up at him, her eyes wide and her hair touseled, and he   
caught his breath.   
  
"Rory, we have to be careful. It's…well, it's not usually like that. I   
usually have a lot more self-control. You arouse me more than any   
other girl ever has."   
  
"Oh." Rory couldn't help it. She smiled.   
  
Jess laughed. "You like that idea, don't you? Who'd have thought that   
Rory Gilmore would turn out to be such a siren. But Rory, it's   
dangerous when we both lose control so easily. I'm not sure I'm   
capable of moving slowly with you. We probably need to stay out of   
bedrooms and make out in relatively public places-—which brings us back to the   
problem of your boyfriend. I understand you're not thrilled about breaking up with him,   
but I don't think you and I are going to be able to stay away from each   
other indefinitely. Do you really think you can do this with me behind   
his back without feeling so guilty it'll make you miserable?"   
  
"Probably not." Rory pulled the t-shirt over her head and crossed her   
legs Indian-style. "You knew that all along didn't you? You're   
experienced enough; you knew it would be like this between us. That's   
why you sounded so bitter when you thought I was going to say I didn't   
mean it."   
  
"I had an idea, but there's nothing in my experience that quite   
prepared me for this. I'm a pretty long way from a virgin, but   
I've never felt anything like what happens between us. If I'd known   
when we came up here what I know now I probably would have put up   
more of a fight—-thank God you didn't tell me you didn't mean it."   
  
Jess was smiling at her, looking at her possessively, and she felt warm   
from his gaze. "Oh I meant it all right. I didn't know how I meant it.   
Wow. I suddenly feel much more worldly." Jess wiggled his eyebrows at   
her, so she sat up on her knees and wagged a finger at him.   
  
"Cut that out, Mr. Long-Way-From-Virgin. Just because you grew up in   
the big lascivious city while I was stuck out here with everyone in   
town watching my every move does not give you the right to make fun of   
how naïve I am. Or was."   
  
Jess sat down and pulled her onto his lap. "Yeah, yeah, I think you're   
still pretty innocent. I'll bet I could make you blush in a matter of   
seconds."   
  
"Humph." Rory turned so she was straddling him. "You just wait until   
I'm as far on the other side of virgin as you are. Then we'll see how   
easily you can make me blush."  
  
"You'll be married to some Harvard guy and traveling the world by that   
point." Jess's expression turned solemn. "And I hope he'll be able to   
make you blush. I hope you'll always be naïve compared to me. Nobody   
should be as jaded as I am."  
  
"Hey, I won't be married for at least…oh. Jess. Just how far is a long way?"  
  
"Five years."  
  
Rory scrambled off his lap and sat on her knees watching him. "FIVE   
years? Jess...you were twelve?" He nodded. "God, no wonder you're   
jaded. Do I want to know?"  
  
"I doubt it."   
  
"How many have there been, Jess?"  
  
"Four. Not counting a couple of nearly but not quites."  
  
"Wow. And you really want me more than ANY of them?"  
  
Jess turned and framed his face with her hands, looking straight into   
her eyes. "I want you more than I've ever wanted anything in my life.   
And I'm terrified I'm going to fuck things up with you, hurt you again,   
break your heart, shatter your innocence. My conscience is already   
eating at me...your first time should be with someone who doesn't bring   
a long sordid trail of meaningless sexual encounters with him..."   
  
"Jess, that's ridiculous," Rory interrupted him and blushed. "I like the fact   
that you know what you're doing."  
  
Jess laughed. "Siren. Don't tell your mom that."   
  
Rory laughed with him. "I won't. Although I'm sure she'll know   
something has happened. She's been reading me about this all along.   
She and Dean both thought that you were more than I could   
handle, but I suspect they didn't really have any idea. I sure didn't."  
  
"Personally I think you handle me just fine. But at least now we know   
why Dean was acting so weird. He saw the chemistry in spite of our denial."   
  
"Yeah. Looks like he was right that he couldn't trust me with you."  
  
"That'll teach you to underestimate my sex appeal."   
  
"Never again, Dodger. Jess…I don't really know how to ask this, but, well," Rory   
looked right into his face. "Are you sure you're healthy?"   
  
"Yes." Jess was relieved she'd asked. At least he knew she was making a   
rational decision about this. "I've had two thorough physicals since   
the last time, and both times nothing. I was always safe, and although   
I know this isn't what you were asking, I have actually never done any   
drugs stronger than alcohol. So no risk from needles."   
  
"I'm glad. For a lot of reasons."   
  
Jess stood up and reached for her hand. "Speaking of your mother, I   
suspect she's getting worried about you, and I should probably help   
Luke clean up. He'll be up here soon and it's probably not the best   
idea for him to catch us in my room. There's probably a house rule   
against that."   
  
"Probably. There is in my house. Good thing you've never gotten   
caught coming in the window."  
  
"Hey, I was just stopping by to borrow a book…completely innocent…" He   
took her hand and they walked out of the room and down the stairs   
toward the diner. 


	2. Chapter 2

At last, a chapter 2! Some of you will recognize parts of this as stolen from my story Nervous Energy. The first chapter of that story will probably get incorporated somewhere else, maybe later in this one but no promises! :)  
  
Thanks again to EVERYONE who's sent me such amazingly wonderful comments! You guys are the BEST encouragement a writer could ever have!  
  
  
  
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Rory stood in front of the Foresters' door. She knew Dean and his family were inside packing for their trip; they were leaving for a summer vacation at his grandparents in Illinois. She hesitated. 'Maybe I should wait until he gets back to do this,' she thought. She inhaled deeply, steeling her resolve. She didn't want to spend the summer feeling guilty for cheating on Dean, and it probably would be better if they had the time apart to get over the breakup.   
  
Rory raised her hand to knock just as it opened and Mr. Forester stepped out with two large suitcases.   
  
"Hi Mr. Forester. Looks like you're all packed." Rory held the door open for him, hoping that her voice wouldn't betray how agitated she was.   
  
"Thanks Rory. Unfortunately this is just a fraction of all the stuff they're bringing! Dean's in the kitchen; just head on back there and make yourself at home." Mr. Forester turned to walk down the steps and Rory headed into the house.   
  
Dean was standing at the kitchen sink rinsing out a glass.   
  
"Hey you." Rory walked over to stand next to him.   
  
"Rory!" Dean set the glass on the counter and hugged her. "I was wondering what happened to you. I thought you were going to be here a half-hour ago."   
  
Rory hugged him back half-heartedly. "Sorry. I got distracted." She looked nervously around the kitchen. "Do you have time to go for a walk?"  
  
Dean smiled. "Sure. Not too long, but I can manage a little time for my best girl." Rory winced, but he had turned to put the glass in the cabinet. They walked out the back door and headed for the gazebo.   
  
They walked for awhile in silence. Dean reached for Rory's hand, and she stopped, crossing her arms in front of her. She looked away from him, tilting her head down. "Dean, we need to talk."   
  
Dean looked at her, his expression blank. From the corner of her eye she saw his fists clench. He nervously ran his palms against his jeans and breathed deeply. "Okay." He hid the quaver in his voice, but Rory heard it and sighed. "What do we need to talk about?"  
  
"Dean, you're a wonderful boyfriend, and I love you. But I can't be your girlfriend anymore." Dean clenched his fists and turned away from her. "You were right to think you couldn't trust me with Jess. I...I kissed him at the wedding."   
  
Dean let out a bitter, short laugh. "And now you want to be his girlfriend instead of mine."   
  
Rory leaned toward him, her expression pleading. "I don't want to hurt you."  
  
"Oh really?"  
  
"Really." Rory cupped his elbow in her hand. "Dean, I didn't do it on purpose to hurt you, I swear."  
  
Dean sighed, turning and stepping closer to her. "Okay, then. It was just a kiss." He took her hand in his, stroking her palm gently. "Maybe we can get beyond it..."  
  
Rory pulled her hand away, shaking her head. "No, Dean. There's more than just the kiss."   
  
Rory hugged her elbows, massaging her arms. She couldn't look at him and say this. "This morning, I went to apologize, and we were sitting on the bed in his room..."  
  
"In his bed?" Dean's face contorted. "That's why you were late?"   
  
Rory realized she'd misled him, and reached out. "Dean, no..."  
  
"Don't say anything else." He pushed her hand away angrily. "I can read it in your face. More than a year, Rory. And I never even tried to touch you like that. I tried to respect you; I knew it was an issue for your mom...I can't believe you let him make love to you!"   
  
All the pent-up frustration about Rory's relationship with Jess boiled over into anger. Dean grabbed a flower pot from a nearby display and hurled it against the brick wall of the building behind them,   
sending terra cotta and dirt and geraniums flying everywhere.   
  
Rory cringed as Dean turned to her, the betrayal and anger palpable on his face. He opened his mouth as if to say more, then shook his head, turned around, and walked away from her. He continued walking toward the gazebo, not wanting to head home until he'd cooled off. As he passed the diner, he spotted Jess through the window and saw red. He wanted to kill the little punk...  
  
Dean threw open the door to the diner, stormed over to Jess and grabbed him by the shoulder, catching Jess off guard. Dean planted his fist in the smaller man's solar plexus, then slammed him against the wall of the diner, pinning his arms. He heard someone screaming for Luke as he got in Jess's face. "You fucking asshole. You got what you wanted, didn't you? I can't believe she let you touch her. You'd better have used protection. If you get her pregnant, or hurt her at all...hell, if I ever see her even FROWNING in your presence, I won't need an incentive to kill you with my bare hands."   
  
He pushed Jess away from him and stormed out of the diner, brushing past Luke and ignoring Rory who was standing in the doorway, tears streaming down her cheeks. She ran over to Jess, who was sitting against the wall, trying to regain his breath.   
  
Jess looked up at Rory incredulously. "What the hell did you tell him?"  
  
"He misunderstood."  
  
Jess breathed deeply, wincing. "Obviously."  
  
"Are you okay?"  
  
Jess nodded. "He just knocked the wind out of me. Wish I'd seen him coming."   
  
He sat back and smiled at her. "I guess I was walking around in a bit of a daze." Rory relaxed, smiling back. She sat down next to him against the wall and he wrapped an arm around her.   
  
"That could have gone better," Rory commented. Jess snorted.  
  
"Guess you're broken up, huh?"  
  
"Yeah. Definitely broken up."  
  
Jess turned his head to look in her eyes and smiled. "Good."   
  
Luke watched them, trying to figure out exactly what had happened between them. Rory had her head on Jess's shoulder and he was smiling down at her. Her knees were hugged against her chest, and Jess slid an arm beneath them, turning her so she was cradled in his arms. He rested a hand on her knee and stroked it gently, leaning his head down over hers and lightly caressing the top of her head with his lips. Luke sighed. They looked intimate. Dean had implied that they were lovers; they weren't going to quell the rumors sitting like that.   
  
"Jess, you okay?" Luke asked, breaking their reverie.   
  
Jess nodded. "Yeah, I'll live." He untangled himself from Rory, standing and giving her his hand to pull her up. He slid an arm around her waist.   
  
Luke watched them, his expression somber. "Rory, why don't you get yourself a cup of coffee. I want to talk to Jess for a minute."   
  
Rory nodded, looking back and forth between the two men. Jess had shuttered his expression and looked defensive. She squeezed his hand, smiling encouragingly when he looked down at her, and his face softened.   
  
She turned to Luke. "Jess didn't do anything wrong, Luke. Dean wouldn't let me talk. He jumped to conclusions." Rory looked down, her face flaming. "Jess and I didn't..."   
  
Luke noticed her discomfort and interrupted her. "It's okay. I'm not going to yell at him."   
  
Rory could sense Jess relax, and she moved toward the coffeepot as they headed for the apartment. 


End file.
